Surviving under stress

Well, I have to say that the Military Spouse (mother) is one of the hardest working parents. This is probably only second to the Single parent. In recent conversations with people, the comment was made that being a military spouse is like being a single parent for at least half the year while your spouse is gone.

Now that I have been on both sides of the discussion, I would have to say that being a single parent is still much more difficult than being a military spouse, however being a military spouse still has it's drawbacks.

As a single parent, you are responsible for the financial status of your household and you do not have the emotional support of your significant other.

Being a military spouse, you still have to be responsible for EVERYTHING that maintaining your home requires. The house doesn't get cleaned, unless you clean it. Food doesn't get cooked, unless you cook it. The kids rely on you to be both their mother and their father. You have to keep up with pretty much everything in your home.

The past couple weeks have been extremely stressful for me. I recently found out that my grandfather is terminally ill with lung cancer, my son's rabbit died, my motivation for work and school has been completely lacking, and the idea of cleaning my house just makes me want to cry.

One of the benefits of being both a military spouse and a single parent is that you generally have a very good support group. My family has helped me pull through the tough times with this deployment. My neighbors have been there to help me out with whatever is needed. And as being a military spouse, you normally have the ability to join either the Family Readiness Group (FRG) or the Spouse Club.

One of the easiest things to do is to get caught up in all that you have to do, and you forget to take a little time out for you. Take a little time to read a book, go do something fun, or just watch a movie. When you are constantly on the go, your body gets worn down. The stress can cause your immune system to crash and you will be more likely to get sick.

And what I generally do is prioritize things. I look for the things that need to be done right away and what can maybe put off until the next day. The key though, is to make sure that you are actually doing the things you put off. Also, do a little bit each day.

Balancing Acts

Have you ever felt like you are part of a circus, walking across a tight rope, trying to balance everything in your life? I have those moments. On any given day, I'm balancing work, school, my child, my pets, and my house. I feel like that tight rope walker, trying to make sure that I don't end up falling off the rope!

Well, this weekend I did "fall off the rope." Thankfully, it's not quite as dangerous as falling off a rope 200 feet in the air, but still almost just as hurtful to maintaining my organized house. When you have so much to do, procrastinating even just a little bit can really put you behind.

I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, it was, after all, Easter weekend and my son and I had a wonderful time hanging out with our friends and family. We got to make new friends, eat a TON of chocolate, play with our current friends and family and pretty much got no work done the whole weekend. As things continued to pile up, I continued to put them off because I felt overwhelmed every time I looked around my house and at the mess that we had created.

So what finally happened? It was a beautiful day out yesterday and we spent the afternoon cleaning up bedrooms, the kitchen, vacuuming the floor, etc. Although my house still isn't really clean, it's in a much better state than it had been the previous evening.

So what are my theories on how to successfully make it across that tight rope and maintain a good balance in your life?

• Keep a schedule: Yes I know, that's generally a little harder to do than it sounds, but it truly helps. It gives me the ability to know what to expect in my day. I keep a calendar that includes all of the things I need to do in a day, as well as where my son, horses, dogs, etc need to be. Make sure that you schedule an appropriate amount of time to do the things that you need to do. And make sure to stick to your schedule! I don't usually schedule every hour, but have a general hour of when I will be doing things. For example, my schedule might be to work out in the morning before waking my son up. Get him up and out of bed and read my email while he is eating breakfast and getting ready for school. After I take him to school, I will spend that little bit of time before I have to start working, feeding and spending time with my animals. I have the benefit of being able to work from home, so I will take periodic breaks from work to wash some dishes or vacuum the floor. This breaks up my work day and keeps the dullness out. After work, I spend a few hours playing with my son or doing something fun. Then it's time for dinner and time for stories and baths. After he goes to bed I will take some time to relax, watch tv and work on my school work. Keeping a calendar helps me understand where I need to be and at what times I need to be there. I review my calendar several times a day to make sure I'm not forgetting something.
• Don't over whelm yourself: Make sure you are not giving yourself too much to do in one day. By doing a little bit at a time, and doing it as you go, you will not be as overwhelmed as you would be if you let things pile up. Do a load of laundry a day. Put the dishes in the dishwasher after you use them. One of the things I will do, is as I'm cooking, I wash the dishes that I have used while the food is cooking. As I mentioned in the previous bullet, I will take periodic breaks to wash a couple dishes or fold a load of laundry.
• Take time out to have some fun: Probably the most important point I can make. If you don't take some time out to do something fun, you will get pulled into the lull of all of the "chores" that you have to do, and won't be able to find the motivation to do it. It's much more difficult to find the motivation to do the things that aren't so much fun, if you don't ever find the things to do that you will enjoy.
• Get the kids involved: Ok, so some of you might be thinking that having children is like having great slave labor. You can put them to work and you don't have to pay them, which makes it great free labor. Well, I don't know that I agree that it is slave labor, but definitely give them something to do. My son has his "jobs" that he has to do every day. Those jobs include setting the table for dinner, picking up his dishes, putting his clothes away and cleaning his bedroom and bathroom. He has a chart that we put stickers on every time he does one of his "jobs." And when he keeps his room clean and picks up his toys, that just means that it is one less thing for me to do. Plus it teaches him to be responsible, clean and organized. I get a little push back occassionally, but just like the rest of the house, if he puts his toys away every night and picks up his clothes then it doesn't get to be nearly as overwhelming as when he goes days without putting anything away.
• Don't bite off more than you can chew: Ok, so being a working, stay at home mom, you may feel sometimes like you are superwoman and you may sometimes feel like you are drowning. The important thing to do is to understand that you are only a human being. And there are only so many hours in the day. With that being said, you have to understand that you can only do so much. This is part of "not overwhelming" yourself.

I spend a lot of time keeping myself busy and therefore "out of trouble" as I like to put it. In keeping myself busy and active, I find that it makes the time that my husband is gone go by much faster.

Flying with small children

I have been traveling with my son, since he was born. When my son was 6 months old, we took off on a road trip to visit my best friend and her husband a few states away. Since then, he has made several road trips and has more skymiles than your average adult.

As I dropped my son and fiancee off at the airport today, I went down a long list of the dos and don'ts of traveling with small children. It always amazes me how some families travel with small children and how inconsiderate other people are. My thoughts on flying with children:

• Have your child pack a small book bag with toys and activities that they can do quietly in their seat. My son has a rolling book bag that he can tote around and fits under the seat in front of him. He is usually allowed to pick 5 quiet and low impact toys. These toys usually include his favorite stuffed animal, some matchbox cars and his crayons.
• Be considerate of other travelers. Teach your children that it is not polite to push and kick the seats in front of them.
• If you are traveling with a child in a car seat, and plan on carrying the car seat, check your baggage, except what is needed to care for the child and to entertain the child. My son has actually not used his car seat on any of the commercial flights we have been on. It has always been checked as baggage.
• If you travel frequently, invest in a portable DVD player. I bought an LG portable DVD player with a battery expected use time of 5 - 6 hours. This has been extremely helpful. Most flights we take domestically are not generally longer than 6 hours.
• Have your child travel in something comfortable and shoes that they can easily on and off of their feet.
• Make sure that they attempt to use the bathroom before getting on the plane. My son had an incident on the airplane last year where he accidentally pushed the flush button, while sitting on the toilet. The noise alone was enough to scar him, but when added to the suction he was terrified of the toilet after that experience. Airplane bathrooms are very small and are not designed for two people, even if one of them is very small.

As a frequent traveler, both professionally and personally, I have found that most of your average adults get bored and have difficulty on a long flight. Children's attention spans are much shorter. Be prepared to find creative ways to entertain your child.

Snow Days in the Pacific Northwest

This past week has been a challenging week. Living in a town that is not used to seeing snow, the 6 accumulated inches (with more still falling) has been challenging for both my work day as well as for my son and soon to be husband.

To the left, is the view of the road in front of our cottage. We made the decision, and I believe a wise decision as that, to drive our horses out to our new duty station before the bad weather hit. This meant leaving my 4wd truck and flying back. The move meant 3500 miles of driving, pulling a horse trailer with two miniature horses. Now, with that much of a move, there were several mountains and passes involved. Now that there is no end in sight to the snow falling from the sky, I believe the 2 months of being without my truck is totally worth it.

Although the snow is very beautiful, and normally I would enjoy it immensely, it has presented some challenges. First and most importantly, school has been out. I am fortunate enough to be able to work from home. Or rather, might be unfortunate depending on how you look at it. But with school out, my normally quiet working conditions at home have been interrupted with the antics of a 5 year old. In addition, the weather has created certain internet and phone issues, making my connection to my corporate office an issue.

In addition to my son being out of school, my soon to be husband hasn't been to work in several days either. With the weather bad, and almost every business establishment closed, he has also been stuck in the house without much to do and has become just as bored as the 5 year old.

As a child, I LOVED snow days. It meant no school, and tons of playing in the snow with my friends. And nighttime sledding at the middle school about a half mile from my house. There were hours, upon hours of time spent playing in the snow. But, as my son is an only child, and most of the children that he plays with have moved, it leaves his entertainment up to me. You might imagine this presents a problem when I am expected to put in 8 hours of work and he has nothing to do. I normally wouldn't think of the TV as a babysitter, but then again there are an amazing amount of educational games for his Leapfrog Clickstart Computer. As it is Christmas time, he has enjoyed writing out numerous lists to be mailed to Santa Claus.

The snow days bring up an interesting subject. What do you do with a 5 year old, when they are not in school and can't go outside for multiple days and you have to work? My suggestions:

• Invest in some learning games and workbooks. Although the kids can't go to school, they can still do activities that expand their knowledge along with entertaining them.
• Have a craft box for those "Rainy Days" where the weather is bad and outdoor play is not an option. We keep a box of crayons, a pair of scissors, some glue along with construction paper for just those opportunities.
• Books and puzzles are great entertainment. This is something that your children can do while you are working. The books/puzzles shouldn't be too complicated so that your child is able to complete them and it will keep them busy.

These are just a few of the activities that we have used this week to keep my son entertained, allowing me to try to get some work done while he is home.