Surviving under stress

Well, I have to say that the Military Spouse (mother) is one of the hardest working parents. This is probably only second to the Single parent. In recent conversations with people, the comment was made that being a military spouse is like being a single parent for at least half the year while your spouse is gone.

Now that I have been on both sides of the discussion, I would have to say that being a single parent is still much more difficult than being a military spouse, however being a military spouse still has it's drawbacks.

As a single parent, you are responsible for the financial status of your household and you do not have the emotional support of your significant other.

Being a military spouse, you still have to be responsible for EVERYTHING that maintaining your home requires. The house doesn't get cleaned, unless you clean it. Food doesn't get cooked, unless you cook it. The kids rely on you to be both their mother and their father. You have to keep up with pretty much everything in your home.

The past couple weeks have been extremely stressful for me. I recently found out that my grandfather is terminally ill with lung cancer, my son's rabbit died, my motivation for work and school has been completely lacking, and the idea of cleaning my house just makes me want to cry.

One of the benefits of being both a military spouse and a single parent is that you generally have a very good support group. My family has helped me pull through the tough times with this deployment. My neighbors have been there to help me out with whatever is needed. And as being a military spouse, you normally have the ability to join either the Family Readiness Group (FRG) or the Spouse Club.

One of the easiest things to do is to get caught up in all that you have to do, and you forget to take a little time out for you. Take a little time to read a book, go do something fun, or just watch a movie. When you are constantly on the go, your body gets worn down. The stress can cause your immune system to crash and you will be more likely to get sick.

And what I generally do is prioritize things. I look for the things that need to be done right away and what can maybe put off until the next day. The key though, is to make sure that you are actually doing the things you put off. Also, do a little bit each day.

Balancing Acts

Have you ever felt like you are part of a circus, walking across a tight rope, trying to balance everything in your life? I have those moments. On any given day, I'm balancing work, school, my child, my pets, and my house. I feel like that tight rope walker, trying to make sure that I don't end up falling off the rope!

Well, this weekend I did "fall off the rope." Thankfully, it's not quite as dangerous as falling off a rope 200 feet in the air, but still almost just as hurtful to maintaining my organized house. When you have so much to do, procrastinating even just a little bit can really put you behind.

I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, it was, after all, Easter weekend and my son and I had a wonderful time hanging out with our friends and family. We got to make new friends, eat a TON of chocolate, play with our current friends and family and pretty much got no work done the whole weekend. As things continued to pile up, I continued to put them off because I felt overwhelmed every time I looked around my house and at the mess that we had created.

So what finally happened? It was a beautiful day out yesterday and we spent the afternoon cleaning up bedrooms, the kitchen, vacuuming the floor, etc. Although my house still isn't really clean, it's in a much better state than it had been the previous evening.

So what are my theories on how to successfully make it across that tight rope and maintain a good balance in your life?

• Keep a schedule: Yes I know, that's generally a little harder to do than it sounds, but it truly helps. It gives me the ability to know what to expect in my day. I keep a calendar that includes all of the things I need to do in a day, as well as where my son, horses, dogs, etc need to be. Make sure that you schedule an appropriate amount of time to do the things that you need to do. And make sure to stick to your schedule! I don't usually schedule every hour, but have a general hour of when I will be doing things. For example, my schedule might be to work out in the morning before waking my son up. Get him up and out of bed and read my email while he is eating breakfast and getting ready for school. After I take him to school, I will spend that little bit of time before I have to start working, feeding and spending time with my animals. I have the benefit of being able to work from home, so I will take periodic breaks from work to wash some dishes or vacuum the floor. This breaks up my work day and keeps the dullness out. After work, I spend a few hours playing with my son or doing something fun. Then it's time for dinner and time for stories and baths. After he goes to bed I will take some time to relax, watch tv and work on my school work. Keeping a calendar helps me understand where I need to be and at what times I need to be there. I review my calendar several times a day to make sure I'm not forgetting something.
• Don't over whelm yourself: Make sure you are not giving yourself too much to do in one day. By doing a little bit at a time, and doing it as you go, you will not be as overwhelmed as you would be if you let things pile up. Do a load of laundry a day. Put the dishes in the dishwasher after you use them. One of the things I will do, is as I'm cooking, I wash the dishes that I have used while the food is cooking. As I mentioned in the previous bullet, I will take periodic breaks to wash a couple dishes or fold a load of laundry.
• Take time out to have some fun: Probably the most important point I can make. If you don't take some time out to do something fun, you will get pulled into the lull of all of the "chores" that you have to do, and won't be able to find the motivation to do it. It's much more difficult to find the motivation to do the things that aren't so much fun, if you don't ever find the things to do that you will enjoy.
• Get the kids involved: Ok, so some of you might be thinking that having children is like having great slave labor. You can put them to work and you don't have to pay them, which makes it great free labor. Well, I don't know that I agree that it is slave labor, but definitely give them something to do. My son has his "jobs" that he has to do every day. Those jobs include setting the table for dinner, picking up his dishes, putting his clothes away and cleaning his bedroom and bathroom. He has a chart that we put stickers on every time he does one of his "jobs." And when he keeps his room clean and picks up his toys, that just means that it is one less thing for me to do. Plus it teaches him to be responsible, clean and organized. I get a little push back occassionally, but just like the rest of the house, if he puts his toys away every night and picks up his clothes then it doesn't get to be nearly as overwhelming as when he goes days without putting anything away.
• Don't bite off more than you can chew: Ok, so being a working, stay at home mom, you may feel sometimes like you are superwoman and you may sometimes feel like you are drowning. The important thing to do is to understand that you are only a human being. And there are only so many hours in the day. With that being said, you have to understand that you can only do so much. This is part of "not overwhelming" yourself.

I spend a lot of time keeping myself busy and therefore "out of trouble" as I like to put it. In keeping myself busy and active, I find that it makes the time that my husband is gone go by much faster.